Does a society learn from its past?

Does a society learn from its past? Past mistakes to be precise? Has our nation learnt from the gut-wrenching incident of a Nirbhaya on a fateful night of December 2012? Have rapes and murders of women stopped? Have the changes in law brought any respite to a woman? Is she more secure today?

At the cost of repetition, does a society learn from its mistakes? No, it seldom does.

All of us are well aware of the episode of Draupadi’s vastraharan or disrobing after she was lost in the dice game, by her husband, Yudhishtir. Many say that it was this that led to Kurukshetra, while some say, it was Draupadi’s laughter at Duryodhana at Indraprastha. Irrespective of it, the society blames Draupadi for the war. But going back the episode of the disrobing; an effort is made to disrobe Draupadi and her husband/s say nothing. They remain mute observers, as they were supposed to be following the dharma of a slave! Allowing ones wife to be stripped in public and not stand by her, could never be part of any dharma, was forgotten by none other than Dharma-raj himself.

One would think that such an experience would be enough to last a lifetime for a person like Yudhishtir, right? Wrong!

Let me relate another incident that happens after sometime and Yudhishtir behaves in the same way, as he did earlier and thus my concern – does society ever learn?

After the Pandavs lost everything in the dice game, in spite of Draupadi winning everything back with her arguments and invoking humanity, in the court of Hastinapur, the Pandavs are sent to exile for twelve years and an additional year incognito, i.e. in disguise. If they were found out in the thirteenth year, then they would have to go for another thirteen years in exile.

During the thirteenth year, the Pandavs and Draupadi decided to take refuge at the court of Virata, all in disguise. Yudhistir becomes the advisor to the King and Draupadi becomes one of maids of the Queen Sudeshna of Virata. However, Draupadi’s beauty attracts the evil gaze of the Queen’s bother Keechaka, who is also the powerful army chief. Draupadi tries to stall his advances, but is unable to do much when the Queen herself insists that she give in to her advances. Queen Sudeshna once forced Draupadi to take wine for Keechaka in his chambers. Once there, Keechaka tries to molest her and Draupadi to avoid his advances runs away from his chambers and lands up in the court seeking protection from the king and her husband, Yudhishtir, who was present in the court.

Keechaka follows her to the court, and seizing her by her hair throws her down on the earth, kicked her in the very presence of the King, and of course her husband Yudhishtir. Draupadi urges the King to intervene and save her from the mighty Keechaka who has been casting evil eye on her, a married woman, all this while hoping Yudhishtir would intervene. While the King didn’t know how to react, as Keechaka was his brother-in-law and a general, the courtiers applauded Draupadi’s stance of seeking justice in an open court against the wrong-doings of Keechaka, which were well known. To Draupadi’s horror, Yudhishtir speaks and scolds her for disturbing the proceedings of the court and bringing such complaints in front of everybody. He further tells her not to put up an act and go back to the inner chambers of the Queen and not come back with such lamentations to the court, especially when a dice game is on!

Draupadi in Virata's palace, by Raja Ravi Varma

While many say, that Yudhishtir said this as he did not want to risk being recognized in the crucial thirteenth year, the fact remains, that once again Draupadi was insulted and once again her husband did not come to her help. I repeat, does the society learn from its past mistakes? While Yudhishtir could have managed to save Draupadi with some of his advise and that too in a court which was averse to Keechaka, Yudhistir decided to reprimand Draupadi for ‘wasting the time of the court’.

Misplaced sense of duty or selfish agenda, or both?

On this Women’s day, I urge people to stand up for women, irrespective of one’s political and ideological affiliations. A woman’s dignity is of prime significance and no crime on her part can justify, lynching, molestation and public humiliation and in modern times, social media trolling. The society has no right to breach codes of morality both written and unwritten. This society has enough Keechaka’s and Sudeshna’s, but it is the responsibility of every citizen to stand by a woman, irrespective of her ‘crime’. It’s time to pull down curtains on the age-old lip-service that a woman is a mother and goddess and she needs to be worshipped. A woman doesn’t need to be worshipped; she needs to be respected for who she is – an individual. While today’s woman can take care of herself, if a man stands by her, it would only act as a fillip.

And finally, men, don’t be Yudhishtirs, be a Bhima. Just to conclude the story, Draupadi goes to Bhima and relates everything. Next night Bhima kills Keechaka. Bhima stands by his wife.

If a woman is safe, everyday will be a woman’s day; if she is not, what's the big deal in celebrating it even for one day?

Happy Women’s Way!

Are the wishes coming a day late? Well you can’t blame me. Yesterday, on the occasion of International Women’s Day, I wanted to wish all the women I know, a very happy day, but I just couldn't.

By the time I could reach my writing space (read laptop); I was smothered by the numerous Happy Women’s Day messages on my cell. Some eulogising the power of women, some their intelligence, some giving words to every alphabet of WOMEN, each outdoing the other in qualities, some making me feel small in not doing enough, while some holding me responsible for being a man and thus making me evil. I tried to keep aside the insinuations, and made bed-tea for my wife. She looked at the hot cup of tea and gave me a look which said, “Its Sunday Honey, just what was the hurry to wake me up? But now that you have, let me gulp in down...” I gulped the look and kept quiet.

I tried to think of all the women who have contributed to who I am today – my mother, my aunt, my cousin sister/s, other relatives who used to gossip in front of me (which I loved!), one of my class teachers on whom I had a terrible crush (did I say ‘had’?), my friends who were girls, and the girl-friend which I never had (at least she/they didn’t think if it that way), my close female relatives, my female colleagues, Hema Malini to Helen, Elisabeth Taylor & Marilyn Monroe to Demi Moore, and before I get carried away - my wife, my mother-in-law, my daughter and my female students – phew! That sure is a long list of women who have contributed to who I am. By the time I could come out of this long list, it was time for the break-fast tea, which I made for my wife which she had without any comment or look – saved my day!

How much all these women have contributed to who I am. But just what have I done in return? All I did was respect them for who they were? I did give space to each of the women I knew, so much so, that some even usurped that space as theirs and I was suddenly in no-man’s land! But nothing of the ‘man’ today, I told myself, keep you masculinity in the cupboard, today is Women’s Day! Soon it was time for the third cup of tea and I kept my thoughts aside and made a steaming cup of tea for my wife. She spoke with her eyes, and they weren’t quite approving of my cup along with it, which rebuked me for having a cup of tea too many, but she took hers and spared me the reprimand! I could safely go back to my musings on Women!

Coming back to the numerous WhatsApp messages, I wondered, just what were each messages trying to do? Each was trying to eulogise the super-woman in a woman. She was a Savitri, Draupadi, Rani of Jhansi, Mother Teresa, Helen of Troy and Chanda Kochhar – all rolled in one. She managed the house and the home, the children and the husband along with the in-laws, and successfully worked in the office giving a though time to all the men in the office. She wore pants everywhere, not just at home. She could handle a PTA and a Board meeting with equal élan! She is a doctor with empathy, a housewife who decides on what her husband will wear to work, never forgets to give the medicines to the mom-in-law, helps her child in her homework, and is indispensable at work, smiling all through this and all she has is a glass of milk with some Protinex and all she expects is some respect. Oops, it was time for my wife’s evening cup of tea and so I decided to take a break. She was about to wake up after her afternoon siesta on a Sunday and if she overslept it would cause immense trouble getting sleep at night, so need a break!

Just why does the woman of today even cater to such banalities? Why do we expect her to be a superwoman and not just a woman, who too wants to laze on a Sunday, put up her feet and read the newspaper with a hot cup of tea (my wife is done with her quota of tea, by the way!)? Why can’t she just keep the house a trifle dirty without people sniggering at her? Why can’t the house not be in order, if someone walked in without informing? Why can’t a little dust on the telephone not make a statement on her ability to keep the house clean? Why can’t she get away by not sending new-stuff everyday in her daughters Tiffin to school? Why can’t she be just a normal woman, who gets up in the morning and goes to work like any other man, without having to worry about the day’s menu? Why can’t her irritations and anger at work not be credited to PMS, but on the inefficiencies of the men around her?

My idea of a woman is not that of a superwoman. I like a normal woman, who has her mood-swings, feels lazy on a Sunday, expects to be taken out for dinner all of a sudden even if dinner is ready at home, decides what to do and what not, and feels normal, not guilty. I think that’s what a woman wants, not eulogies of sacrifice and duty. She wants to feel like an individual and not a robot who can handle every aspect of life. She doesn’t want to be in control by deciding what colour tie her husband should wear for the Board meeting, but would rather have her husband tell her that a particular shade of red goes well with her mood today! She is sick of the portrayal of being perfect; she’d rather be purr-fect and not feel guilty about it. She is tired of being so good that she can’t falter, she is willing to make mistakes. Let the world allow her to live as she wants and not as he wants.

And that’s when I realised it was getting late for my wife’s bed-tea! Did I take so long to reminisce? Oops! Happy women’s day to all you women, trifle late though, who want to be just normal and not supernaturally different!! 

Finally what saved my day was another WhatsApp

message which had a bowing woman say – You mean to say the rest of the days aren’t Women’s Days? Challenge Accepted!

That’s the way to go women!! Hope you have your way, the Women’s Way!

Pic Courtesy - www.indiaopines.com