Respected Sir Mr. Union Leader
(Dual salutations are necessary to honk-in the attention of the individual)
My first request is that if we do make an error of hailing one of your forces, can the person at least look at us and acknowledge us? If this is not asking for too much, then I can go on. Can he also listen to us as to where we want him to take us? We only do so since he does not carry a route board like the Buses do, telling us where they go, so we never ask them if they would take us elsewhere. If this is a crime, then can your forces write on their chariots as to where they ply, then we won’t commit the crime of taking him where we want to go.
I am sorry for the impertinence, but I am hoping you are still reading.
My second request is can we expect your forces to understand that Mumbai has street-jams during office hours and so, during those hours, traffic would be slow anywhere and everywhere. If this is well understood, then they would not have to rudely (apologies for this word, but many feel that this too is an understatement) tell us that he cannot go on that route as there would be traffic. Don’t tell us what every kid in the city knows.
My third request is similar to the above. Thanks to the inefficiencies (a word I am sure you would empathize with) of the BMC, the roads and the drains of Mumbai are at an all-time low (both literally and figuratively) and the rains only add to the troubles of the road, (leave we mere mortals alone). So to say that some road would be very bad and there would be water-logging, etc. only means repeating what again every kid in the city knows. If all was well, wouldn’t we have taken a bus? I apologise once again to compare your supposedly divine three-wheelers with those mammoth eight-wheelers, but please treat it as a slip of the keypad of my silly laptop.
Thanks for being so understanding, and I am again hoping that the paper is in your hands and not under one of the treacherous wheels of your divine chariot.
This whole letter is only to communicate that change or you and your dirty-ilk will be changed! Challenge and threaten and you will meet your waterloo (please don’t separate the word into two different words – not having water in your loo is anyway something you deserve!).